April 6, 2008
The stories and incidents I shall be referring to is purely non-fictional and all the characters in this story are real though their names will be changed coz I do not have their permission to write this, I only have contact with a few of them, the rest I do not know where they are now or what they do now…the reason being this period of time has not been one of my favourites, not been the best times in any of our lives …..so we would love to forget it…..we would love to dump the memories in a dark never visited corner of our minds, never to dust it and bring it back even in our solitary confinements and for those with the skill of cheating their minds ….believe it never happened at all………!!
There I stood in front of that huge French door ….beige coloured and purely non inviting, underneath the shadow of a tree beside it….with me was a man I had just met….and who I would hate in the near future, he was the manager of the professional institute I had just joined…my parents had to leave coz they had to catch the evening train back home and it was his responsibility to admit me into my new residence….”THE CLUNY WORKING WOMEN’S HOSTEL”. The profession I had chosen had a majority of men ( me being the only girl student at that time )and they didn’t have a ladies hostel ….so my parents after the initial fear of where I would stay was relieved and thanked almighty God when they found this place……!!!
A nun crossed the street ,dressed in the typical blue attire ,adorned with the rosary on her neck and a pretentious smile on her face , that you will find on most nun’s faces,( they have to look kind hearted and loving …believe me very few are …!!!)
I didn’t want to fall back on the gesture so I gave her an equally unsure smile……c’mon Roxanne ,u can hold that smile at that same degree a little while longer…..hold it right there, you see nun’s don’t walk very fast…and my jaw was starting to hurt….!!
Finally!!! She reached us ….and welcomed me with a subtle kiss on both my cheeks “I am sister Sicily the warden of this hostel…….” She opened a rectangular cross section of that huge door, just enough for a person to enter ….and welcomed me into a small concrete opening …I could see a couple of bicycles parked alongside the huge boundary wall….she told the manager (lets give him a name MR .SIMON ….what say you, a simple name for a prick head) to take a seat in the visiting area while she showed me around the place.
It was a huge French building with a very high wooden ceiling, the floor was concrete painted red….it had lots of winding stairs ,pictures of Jesus , Mother Mary, and a few odd saints wherever possible. The ceiling fans were scary as it dangled on long pvc pipes painted brown……she showed me the kitchen, the huge dining hall, the huge dormitory , the double rooms ,and finally brought me to the cubicle section ,it was again a huge hall separated by thin wooden planks made into six sections thereby six rooms …..Three on either side, she took me to the last one opened the door to the right which made the other two doors by its side also rattle..!! “This will be your room” she announced
There it was …my abode for the next two years…a tiny square area with a bed on one side , a cupboard the height equalling mine till my chin….and a shaky wooden table with a chair that would just fit my ass ….( I’m not blessed with a big ass !!)But hey!! I had windows, which if I looked below faced a small quadrangle adjacent the kitchen and the washing area. So much for the view…!!
A young girl had brought my luggage into my room, she didn’t stay long, just gave me a brief glance and left. “So how do you like it “one of those moments that called for a white lie “its nice “I replied? of course I didn’t like it, I am used to big rooms and big beds., wardrobes …study tables, adequate lights….never had to stay away from home…I felt sick all of a sudden, more commonly felt as a knot in the stomach, a lump in the throat, my heart felt as if it weighed a thousand pounds …..I wanted to puke…..I was home sick!!
I said goodbye to MR Simon , my local guardian “ give me a call once you settle down “, the nun too left with him “ let me know if you need anything !!”Which sounded more like ‘even if you do, I can’t help it ‘!!
I found my way back to my room, sat on the bed and just felt sick!!!
April 2, 2008
I seek out his face,
amongst a million faces…
if only my memory could hold him longer..
please dont fade away….I beg my senses…stay longer,
I love to see your face,
I love to see you smile,
I love the way you look at me,
I shut my eyes tighter …if only it could make him stay longer…..,
If only for this one moment ..hold me in your arms…
let me hear your heart beat..
let me get nervous …let my heart skip that beat….let me stutter!!
If only for this one moment ….
let him just hold my hand …let us share many a conversation
just by looking into each others eyes……!!
I yearn to see him
I yearn to feel weak
I yearn a million kisses
I yearn the slightest touch…!!
if only my memory could hold you longer…!!
I know you can never be mine,
I know you will belong to someone else someday…..
but if only for this one moment….
let me cheat fate….
let me be yours forever……!!!!